There was
a young man of this Nation,
Who didn't much like fornication;
When asked, "Do you fuck?"
He said, "No, I suck
Women's quims & I use Masturbation."
There was a
young man of Bulgaria,
Who went to piss down an area,
Said Mary to cook,
"Oh, do come and look,
Did you ever see anything hairier?"
There was a
young lady of Glasgow,
And fondly her lover did ask,"Oh,
Pray allow me a fuck,
But she said, No, my duck,
But you may, if you please, up my arse go.
There was an
old man of Connaught,
Whose prick was remarkably short,
When he got into bed
The old woman said,
"This isn't a prick, it's a wart."
There was an
old parson of Lundy,
Fell asleep in his vestry on Sunday;
He awoke with a scream,
"What, another wet dream,
This comes out of not frigging since Monday."
There
was a young man of Wood Green,
Who tried to fart "God Save the Queen."
When he reached the soprano,
He shot his guano,
And his breeches weren't fit to be seen.
There once was a lady from Wales,
Who lived off a diet of fish, oysters and snails.
When she couldn't get these,
She lived off the cheese,
She scratched from her crotch with her nails.
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There
was a young farmer of Nant,
Whose conduct was gay and gallant,
For he fucked all his dozens
Of nieces and cousins,
In addition, of course, to his aunt.
There was a young
lady of Harrow,
Who complained that her cunt was too narrow,
For times without number,
She would use a cucumber,
But could not accomplish a marrow.
There was a young
man had the art,
Of making a capital tart,
With a handful of shit,
Some snot and some spit,
And he'd flavor the whole thing with a fart.
There was a gay
Countess of Bray,
And you may think it odd when I say,
That in spite of high station,
Rank and education,
She always spelt Cunt with a K.
There was an
old man of the Mountain,
Who frigged himself into a fountain,
Fifteen times he had spent,
Still he wasn't content,
He simply got tired of counting.
There
was a young man of King's Cross,
Who amused himself frigging a horse,
Then licking the spend
Which still dripped from the end,
Said, "It tastes just like anchovy sauce." |